Person who sends a UNSPLASH photo email
Maybe your emails seem political and professional, but passive-aggressive expressions can slip without realizing it-whether you send to the boss the latest news, send projects to the client or coordinate activities with the team.
Emails and other forms of written communication eliminate the context offered by the tone of the voice, facial expressions and body language. So, if you are not careful, even the seemingly polite phrases can make you look angry or frustrated, undermining your trust and influence on others.
The author of the book “How to manage the bosses” and a specialist who helps managers and leaders to develop their management skills for over a decade has reported in an article published by CNBC.com that he has heard leaders confessing that he does not promote someone who does not know how to manage diplomatic and direct conflicts.
At higher levels, you have to express yourself tactfully, so that you bring the others on your side, not put them in the defensive, he mentioned.
Here are five passive-aggressive expressions that can affect your relationships with colleagues:
1. “I come back with a reminder on this subject”
It can be interpreted as: “Why haven’t you answered me yet?” Even if you mask the tone in a friendly form, the other person may feel shown with your finger or have not responded faster to what you suggest that it should have been a simple task.
Instead of that, it clearly says what you need and until:
“We need your feedback for the new employment. Please send me three points about who you prefer and why, until tomorrow at the end of the day.”
“Can you tell me what you think about the 3-6 slides? I hope to complete the presentation and send it to the committee until Tuesday.”
2. “As I mentioned in the last email …”
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This expression is equivalent to saying, “I have already told you this and it annoys me that I have to repeat.” Although it is normal to be frustrated when someone does not read or act after a previous message, the formulation may sound like a reprimand or as you suggest that the person is incompetent.
Try alternatives:
“To recap the key points …”
“Here’s what I agreed on the last discussion …”
Or simply repeat directly the information they need:
“The deadline is Friday at 5:00 pm.”
“The options are A, B or C. that you prefer?”
3. “I copy it on [nume] here”
This expression is a subtle way to climb the situation, involving someone with more authority. From that moment, the dynamics changes from collaboration to confrontation, and the initial recipient may feel taken by surprise.
Of course, sometimes you really have to bring a manager in question. It is correct, but be transparent about the reason. It must be clear that you include them for business reasons, not as a power game.
Say something like:
“I add Isaac, because he will have to approve the final design.”
“It includes Nadia, because this aspect affects the program of her team.”
4. “Thank you in advance”
This expression may seem arrogant, as if you are good for the person to accept, reducing her opportunity to say “no”. It may sound impersonal, as if you are only interested in ticking a task, not the effort or time.
Better, show that the person has an option:
“Could you review this document in the next 48 hours? Tell me if it is feasible.”
“Please tell me if this term works for you.”
But it avoids too submissive formulations, of the type: “It would be good for your help, if you have time. No problem!”
5. “Please advise me”
Usually, this expression appears when you are irritated that a problem has not resolved. In mind you think: “I do not know what to do with this mess. I solve it.” But because you can’t say that, you use a cold, formal tone.
Replaces with more natural questions or waiting messages:
“What are your solutions on this topic?”
“Can you clarify the process for me?”
“I wait for your answer before continuing.”
“Tell me what approach you prefer.”
Are these always passive-aggressive expressions?
Of course not. But if you notice that you use them when you are upset or impatient, it is an alarm signal that your strong emotions affect your communication. The more you become aware of the words you choose, the more you will seem more influent.
