It is the season of love, and once again, we try a little harder to find compassion and consideration for others. We enjoy the company of family and friends, and for a little while, life seems just right. Why can’t it be like this all the time?
There is a widespread feeling that love is facing challenging times these days. Many of us may want more love in our lives, but that desire often fades quickly when we encounter difficulties. Love usually requires us to sacrifice something. In romantic relationshipsit might mean dedicating time to our partner and spending less time with friends, family, work, or leisure. We may give up this time easily, even eagerly at first, but we struggle to maintain the same level of commitment once other demands become more urgent.
Our lives are about juggling priorities, but ultimately, we decide what matters most to us. The common wisdom is that something must give—we can’t have it all. We may want love in our lives, but we may not be willing to give something up for it. If we, consciously or subconsciously, are more interested in our careers, hobbies, or attaining a position of power in our society, our private relationships may suffer. Yes, we can have a career and a family, too, but it isn’t easy to excel in both. There are only 24 hours in a day. In addition, partners’ priorities must be aligned; otherwise, it will be even more challenging to make it work.
Why should we make love a priority in our lives? By doing so, we fulfill the purpose of our biology. It is increasingly accepted that love and compassion—not egotism—are key drivers of human evolutionary success (Loye, 2018). Aggression may temporarily help us in specific situations, e.g., to defend ourselves, but love is the long-term default setting for optimal biological performance. For our own and our species’ sake, we should make love a priority.
We may condemn the division in our society and the mistrust among fellow citizens. There is no hope for improvement if we prioritize ideology and power over compassion and love. The latter, however, requires us to accept our differences. A community will not sustain itself if we believe that only our own views matter. If we want to live peacefully and freely in any society, we must surrender the idea that we can force our beliefs on others or even harass those who disagree with us. If we prioritize individualism over community, we are inevitably destroying the very foundation of our civilization. Everything has a price, so does living in a community.
We can’t control what others do, but we can control ourselves. Doing our part only requires one thing: a steady commitment to our priority. If love truly matters to us, it must be a priority—not just when it’s convenient, but in everything we do. It’s easy to be loving when circumstances allow it. It can be hard if we’re caught off guard or distracted. It’s that ongoing commitment that makes the difference. Almost everyone can show love sometimes. Few can do it all the time. But there’s no magic—it’s just up to us and our dedication. Despite what we claim, love is often set aside by the many other interests and desires we pursue in life.
Next time we complain about the lack of love in our lives, we may honestly examine ourselves. Is love truly our main focus? If not, how can we prioritize it?
It begins with being conscious of love in everything we do and say. Admittedly, that can be challenging because our minds are often preoccupied with other matters. Using daily practices like meditation or prayer can help us stay centered. For centuries, religion has been a way to reinforce our commitment to love and compassion, but it only works if we genuinely follow its core teachings. Our weekly rituals are useless if they merely represent lip service; in fact, they may undermine the true purpose of religion if we withhold love and compassion from others, especially those different from us.
We may use variable approaches to uphold our commitment, but the method doesn’t matter as long as we stay true to our principles. We shouldn’t expect love and compassion from others if we can’t give the same in return. The essence of this golden rule has resonated through philosophical and religious teachings for thousands of years. It’s simple yet often difficult to follow.
The start of a new year is an opportunity to try harder. Whatever happens, it is up to us to make it our most committed year ever.
