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I went to the dentist recently for the first time in entirely too long due to my own negligence.
But I knew I had to go back, even if I hadn’t had a “need” in quite some time (and it turns out I did, kinda!).
In my head, the build-up to my overdue return was soundtracked by one song and one song only: “Cavity Search” by “Weird Al” Yankovichis U2 parody featured on 1996’s Bad Hair Day.
Yankovic has always imbued his songs with an innate relatability. He’s written several about topics everyone has a connection to, such as television and food (his abundance of songs about the latter even being collected into a contractually obligated compilation album).
Also relatable: Not wanting to go to the dentist.
“Cavity Search” is featured on Bad Hair Daywhich recently celebrated its 30th anniversary. For a sizable contingent of his audience — this author included — this was their introductory album to the world of Weird Al. It’s the record that features “Amish Paradise,” after all, and for those who weren’t Al-conscious in the early- to mid-1980s, this was the album that came out when they were of age to fully appreciate the artist and the irreverent pop culture goofiness this album has to offer.
But this article isn’t about “Amish Paradise” or the legacy of Bad Hair Dayreally. Rather, this one is dedicated to giving some overdue shine to Al’s ode to being afraid of going to the dentist — with a special shout-out to the Weird Al-Gorithm podcast for its episode dedicated to the song, as well.
“Cavity Search” begins with these lyrics:
Listenin’ to the Muzak
Hearin’ people scream
Sittin’ in the waiting room
Readin’ crappy magazines
With a toothache
This is it, pal
Root canal
It’s the mere thought of these elements – imagining the dentist pulling out a drill and other assorted torture devices tools, ceremoniously shoving them inside your mouth while you sit there, wincing — that makes it oh so easy to put off a trip.
“I’ll go next month.”
“I don’t really think I need to go … my teeth are fine!”
“I’m not sure if my insurance covers it.” — (this one was a prime factor in my own apprehension to return to the dentist’s chair).
Liner artwork from ‘Bad Hair Day’
But we all know why we’re REALLY putting it off. We don’t want to get the bad news of the kind Al laments in the song:
My molars are impacted
I’m gettin’ gum disease
I’m gonna need some fillings
Got twelve cavities
If you’re not aware of this Weird Al song, well, that’d make sense. Unless you had Bad Hair Day on CD or cassette in the ’90s, it might not have registered. It wasn’t a single, for one, and even if it had been, the other singles on the album would have overshadowed it anyway.
Another factor working against the notoriety of “Cavity Search” is its source material. It’s a parody of U2, who were still a HUGE band in the 1990s, but it isn’t a parody of a classic single from Bono & Co. that everybody knows without even trying.
“Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me” was a song featured on the soundtrack album to 1995’s Batman Foreverone of those ’90s Batman flicks that are usually considered lower tier compared to the Michael Keaton era (or the grittier reboots from Christopher Nolan that came later).
The U2 single was technically a hit, a No. 1 smash in the band’s home country of Ireland that peaked at No. 16 on the Billboard Hot 100 and picked up two Grammy nominations, but due to the depth of U2’s catalog of bona fide anthems, it hasn’t quite held up as ubiquitously as so much of their other songs.
It didn’t help that the Batman Forever soundtrack also featured Seal‘s “Kiss from a Rose,” one of the most memorable pop songs from the ’90s.
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Despite this, “Cavity Search” had prominent placement on the Bad Hair Day track list as the second parody (and the first after the album-opening and Yankovic era-defining “Amish Paradise.”
Had “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me” amassed the name recognition of bigger U2 hits like “With or Without You,” “Desire,” “Where the Streets Have No Name” and the like, Yankovic’s chorus could also had a more palpable impact, as well:
My teeth are a fright
Got a huge overbite
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me
That’s clever stuff.
Fun fact: The bridge of this song features pained screams overlaid with the squeals of a dentist’s drill — Yankovic’s real-life dentist provided those sounds from his actual drill for some added authenticity.
All this to say: The next time you find yourself trudging to the dentist’s office for a standard cleaning or — gulp — worse, here’s hoping “Cavity Search” occupies your brain space for a bit of levity to cut out some of the anxiety.
And whatever you do, remember to floss daily!
See also:
Celebrate “Weird Al” Yankovic’s 65th Birthday with One of the Few Times He’s Performed Live with an Artist He’s Parodied
Our Long National Nightmare is Over: “Weird Al” Yankovic Has a New Polka — Stream “Polkamania,” Tackling Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo & More
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