Sobriety & Cravings: Counting Down to a Drink?

“I still don’t really understand how things could get out of hand. I had a great childhood with great parents. I had nice girlfriends and it went well at school. So there were no big problems or fierce events that I wanted to drink away.

The only explanation is that I just loved to drink wine and slowly get into a drunk intoxication. When I look at my children, I am still happy every day that I found the power to stop with this. “

“It started innocently. At the age of sixteen I bought a bottle of Hugo or Liebfraumilch with girlfriends at the weekend: sweet slobber wine that we smuggled up and quickly threw back. We had a big fun. I noticed that the rest had enough of it faster than me.

If they didn’t want to drink anymore, I said I went home too. But secretly I took the wine that was over, and with that I was looking for a quiet place to drink the rest while I looked at the stars. I thought it was great, I enjoyed it. “

Homeless in a porch

“My parents also drank, but certainly not problematic. Alcoholism is not in our family. With the word alcoholic I saw the image of a homeless person in a porch with a bottle of drinks. Because of this stubborn imagination I underestimated the situation and it took a long time before I realized that I had a drinking problem.

“From the age of eighteen I really became a strong drinker. Every night I drank a bottle of wine before bed. I was very happy, not necessarily difficult or noisy. That’s why my parents probably didn’t really realize it. Sometimes my mother said that it could be a little less with the drink, but usually they didn’t see it. The next morning I threw the bottle of it.

I thought it was cool to say at school that I had walked again and that it had become late. Of course I didn’t tell me that I had drunk in my room on my own. Somehow I realized that it was sad. I didn’t have any males at that time, at that age I was fine with it. “

A bottle every day

“After I finished school I went to work in a store. I like that and I was a hard worker. But drink got an increasingly greater role in my life. During a working day I counted down the hours until I could drink again. After I closed the store, I immediately walked to the supermarket to buy a bottle of wine that I then drone on a bench in the park. I was shining for that, I did this, that I was shining for that I was shining for myself, that I was ashamed,”

“In the meantime I was bothered by males. Even horrific males, as if I had a nasty flu. Every morning I haunted my head: this has to stop, I don’t want this anymore. Then I was afraid that I had said something crazy with my drunken head to the neighbor or something else stupid.

Yet this feeling ebbed away again during the day. I liked drinking, so it felt logical to continue. After a bottle of wine I felt euphoric. My parents thought that as a young girl I was just fluttering. They had no idea that I drank so much. “

Desire

“In the meantime I had a relationship with my current boyfriend. We started living together. I felt everything I wanted a future with him. I would love children with him. But I knew very well that a desire for children did not go together with my lifestyle. In addition to drinking, I also vapete a lot. No hair on my head that wanted to smoke and drink during pregnancy, what could harm my child.”

“And so five years ago I stopped cold turkey with alcohol and vapen. It was the heart of summer and I still had half a bottle of white wine open. Suddenly I felt that I was the fuss and the males puke. I got up, walked to the sink and emptied the bottle of wine in it. I threw my vapes into the waste bin.

The first days were very difficult. I had crazy, feverish dreams, shivered all over my body and had vibrating hands. Really rehab symptoms. It was extra difficult and heavy because I was alone. Nobody knew I had withdrawal symptoms. Because of my fairly lonely addiction, I didn’t feel the space to share this or to ask for help. “

Overjoyed and very proud

“For a few days it was biting, after that I felt slowly better. I always kept in my mind that I did this for my future child. I promised this imaginary baby that I would never, but never drink again.

Nine months later I was pregnant. It was magical and everything I always wanted. I was so happy with my choice. I no longer drank, didn’t smoke anymore and ate super healthy for my baby. When my son was born, I was very happy and very proud. “

“That I didn’t drank anymore, of course others stood out. In the beginning I didn’t tell me that I had a drinking problem. I just said that I was done with it and didn’t feel like wine anymore. Whether I joked that it was time to grow up. I didn’t want my parents to worry about me or feel guilty that they hadn’t helped me.

In the meantime they know the truth and they are extremely proud that I stopped. Other people sometimes find it boring that I no longer drink. I don’t care. I find their involvement strange: what is it that I don’t drink anymore? Nobody is bothered by that, yet they have an opinion about it. “

“I never want to drink alcohol again, no more drops. I don’t even take dessert where drinks are. Because I know myself: one drink is always getting more. I don’t want that anymore. With alcohol you poison your body. You only live once, you have to take good care of yourself.

Since I no longer drink, I have much more rest. Many people crave a drink after a busy day to relax, but I don’t need that anymore. I often had a hunted feeling. Later I realized that this unrest was caused by alcohol. Now I am fitter and more energetic than ever. And I heartily grant myself and my family. “

Never again?

Do you also want to tell your story and tell what you will never want to experience, do or leave ‘again? We are curious about your story. Mail us weekendmagazine@rtl.nl