Single & Desperate for a Baby: My Journey

SINGLE and pregnant, Amy Steinhauser was shocked to discover she had quadruplets on the way – but couldn’t have been happier.

However, nothing could have prepared the then 35-year-old for what was to come, when her joy turned to agony as doctors faced an agonising decision: save Amy or her four unborn babies.

Amy, 49, from Palm Springs, US, had a job she loved, working as a police-dispatched crisis intervention counsellor, but when she took some time away from work, she felt something was missing.

Dating here and there, she’d never found The One she wanted to start a family with, but couldn’t shake the feeling she was meant to be a mum.

So she decided to explore other ways to make her dream a reality.

Taking the brave decision to go it alone, with the support of friends and family, she visited a fertility clinic and underwent artificial insemination several times.

DONOR WARNING

I couldn’t afford IVF so found sperm donor online – I’d never do it again

‘STUCK IN MUD’

I spent £100k on IVF – I only realise now I was doing it for wrong reasons

Yet, every attempt was unsuccessful, and Amy began to lose hope.

Then a highly-recommended doctor told Amy that IVF would increase her chances, and at the end of 2012, her eggs were collected and fertilised with donor sperm.

But there was more bad news – her embryos were poor quality, and it wasn’t clear if any of them would work.

Amy says: “They told me that if several were put in, then it may increase the chance of one embryo sticking to my womb and being successful. So I had three embryos put in.”

It would seal Amy’s fate, for she got exactly what she had asked for – and more.

Amy tells Sun Health: “I didn’t hold out much hope, but two weeks later, I got the most amazing news.

“Blood tests had shown I was pregnant. One of those little embryos must have been strong enough to hold on.

“A few weeks later, I had a scan. I lay on the scanning table, and the sonographer pointed at the screen.

“I was confused, I could see one sack, but then I could see another, and another, and then another! I was pregnant with quads.

“I couldn’t believe it. I’d been desperately hoping for just one baby, now I was being told I was actually pregnant with four.”

All three embryos had been a success, and one had even split into two, causing identical twins.

Amy says: “It was unbelievable. It was a case of buy one, get three free! It was amazing.”

‘The babies had to come out’

Yet she faced a “difficult” pregnancy, struggling with sickness, which would only get worse.

Amy says: “The doctors had explained to me that it was a very high-risk pregnancy, especially with two of them being identical twins.

“The chances of all four surviving were slim.

“My belly grew so quickly, and I had regular scans to check them.”

When Amy was 25 weeks pregnant, in May 2013, a pregnancy complication struck.

She had pre-eclampsia – high blood pressure in pregnancy and protein in the urine – which developed into HELLP syndrome.

The doctors told me they needed to save my life, but all I could think of was my babies. I had to save them. I was only just gone 25 weeks pregnant

Amy Steinhauser

HELLP is a rare liver and blood-clotting disorder.

Amy says: “My body was quickly starting to shut down, and I was going into organ failure.”

HELLP syndrome can appear after 20 weeks of pregnancy, and the only way to treat the condition is to deliver the baby, according to the NHS.

Amy says: “The doctors told me they needed to save my life, but all I could think of was my babies. I had to save them. I was only just gone 25 weeks pregnant.

“I begged the doctors to leave them just one more day, but they were adamant; the babies had to come out.”

‘I wept at how tiny they were’

The quads were delivered and were barely the size of a drinks can; Camden, weighing 1Ib, identical twins Sadie at 1Ib1, and Sydney at 1Ib2, followed by their smaller sister Delaney at just under 1Ib.

Amy admits: “I wept at how tiny and fragile I knew they were.

“I couldn’t see any of them as doctors were pumping me full of drugs to save my life.

“I was especially worried about Delaney, as she was the smallest of all four.

“The nurses told me she was small but mighty.

“But suddenly, Delaney took a downhill turn when she was three days old.

“They came to get me from the intensive care unit, but it was too late; she had passed away.

“I got there five seconds after she had taken her last breath.

“It was devastating. I had never got to meet my tiny daughter whilst she was still alive. The smallest of my little warriors.

“I just had to pray that the other three would be strong enough to hang on.”

I’d gone into the hospital pregnant with four babies, and came home with three

Amy Steinhauser

Amy would stay in hospital for another four weeks recovering, but it wouldn’t be until six months after the birth that she could start taking her babies home.

While she recovered, she would visit them in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) every day.

She says: “I’d get wheeled to each baby’s pod, hold them when I could, watch procedures, and talk with the doctors about treatment plans.

“It was such a blur — I was healing from a traumatic birth while trying to be present for three fragile babies.

“Then the first baby I could take home was Camden after six months.

“He’d battled through a broken femur bone as he’d been so fragile when he was born, and he’d been in a body cast, and on oxygen too.

“It was amazing to be able to bring him home, but bittersweet as his two sisters were still in hospital.

“At least when they had been in there, they had all been together.

“I had to find help so I could spend hours at the hospital with Sadie and Sydney.

“I learned how to manage their medical needs while still coming home to care for Camden.

“It was exhausting, but I tried to make sure each baby got time with me every day, even if it was just sitting by their bed, talking to them.”

It wouldn’t be long before the babies were reunited; Sadie came home at eight months, still on a feeding tube and oxygen, and then Sydney came home too, a day before their first birthday.

Amy says: “I moved into a bigger home, and my friends and family rallied around to help me.

“It was an endless round of feeding and changing nappies, made more difficult by feeding tubes and oxygen. Sydney and Sadie also got nursing help, too.

“It was lovely to have the three of them home, but desperately sad that Delaney hadn’t made it.

“I’d gone into the hospital pregnant with four babies, and came home with three.”

‘Battle for survival’

It was around eight months old that it started to become clear the babies had developmental delays, due to being born so small.

Amy says: “Early Intervention services had already been set up from the time they came home, so we had therapists watching closely.

“I knew from the start there could be complications because they were born so early, but we didn’t know how things would look until we could measure their progress over time.

“They had a lot of therapy to help with feeding, and the goal was to get them to be able to eat safely, and then transition to soft foods, which we did eventually manage to achieve.

“Camden and Sadie managed to go to pre-school, but Sydney wasn’t strong enough. She still had a feeding tube until she was five.

“They have all had neurological therapy too, to help their brains develop, and they do have problems with regulating their emotions, and sensory issues too.”

Sydney’s challenges are “pretty significant”, Amy says.

She explains: “She didn’t even learn to walk until she was five. She has cerebral palsy, is about five to six years behind developmentally, and still struggles with walking in new places, processing transitions, and expressing her emotions.

“Sadie and Camden have milder sensory issues but can still get easily overwhelmed by noise or big feelings. Emotional regulation is something we’re always working on together.

“Camden and Sadie are in mainstream school, and Sydney does go to a school for special needs.”

I’m still single – it would have to be a very special person who understands the nature of being a mum to quads, but I’m open to finding love

Amy Steinhauser

Now the children have reached 12 years old, and despite there being differences between them, they each receive support from their school.

Amy says: “All three still receive therapy in different forms, and each of them is moving forward — just on their own timeline.

“Sydney has recently joined the cheerleading squad, which she absolutely loves.

“They have done amazingly well. They were all born at just 1Ib yet they have all hung on and fought a massive battle for survival.

“I’m so proud to be their mother, and we are thriving as a family. I’ve set up a Facebook page documenting our journey called Four Peas and a Mom so people can follow our progress.

“We will never forget about Delaney – she’s still very much part of our family and we have her photos everywhere in the house.

FOOTBALLER GONE

Football League star tragically dies aged just 42 after cancer battle

CHA-CHA-CHAOS

Strictly’s Amber Davies breaks silence after pro Nikita pictured kissing her

“I’m still single – it would have to be a very special person who understands the nature of being a mum to quads, but I’m open to finding love.

“I don’t have any regrets about becoming a single mum of quads – and they all realise how special they are.”