Last year, I entered my seventh decade, and unlike in other transitional decades, I found the changes both subtle and obvious. In addition to the physical changes of an aging body, I noticed my life attitude had transformed.
Being Prepared for Aging
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Most of us are unprepared for the changes associated with aging. For the most part, we are busy living our lives, raising families, building our careers, and making our contributions to society. Then, often without warning, we realize the years have slipped by, our kids have left home, and we are suddenly grandparents in the last chapters of our lives. This moment often arrives suddenly, sometimes too suddenly, in ways we least expect it.
Being prepared depends a great deal on our view of the aging process. Studies have shown that our attitude toward aging is dependent upon whether we have a positive or negative attitude toward growing older. A large contributor is how our parents and grandparents dealt with aging. What most of us notice first about the aging process are the physical changes (i.e., wrinkles, gray hair), changes in our fitness levels, and reduced stamina (Kornadt, 2015).
Being vs. Doing
In addition to noticing my physical bodily changes, I noticed I had less of a propensity to accomplish (doing) and more interest in remaining still and becoming a life observer (being). As a lifelong writer, I’ve always had keen observational skills, but I’ve noticed that recently I’m more conscious of just being present than I had been in my younger years.
I’ve been inspired to think more about the idea of doing vs. being. Until now, I’ve spent my entire life doing—being productive, raising a family, becoming a grandparent, writing articles, and publishing 14 books. I’ve constantly contributed to the livelihood of my family and the universe. I’ve raised three wonderful children, who are now married and parents themselves. I’ve been a registered nurse, director of a hospital, medical journalist, psychology researcher, poet, and lifelong writer. I have always been naturally driven to achieve in my personal and professional life. It’s just who I was, and I have absolutely no regrets.
However, all of a sudden, at the seventh decade marker, I feel a shift in my thinking. It was as if someone put out a “stop” sign at the corner of my street, telling me to refrain from undertaking any more projects, but instead, to honor my age and “just be.” I did not resist this imaginary message, but rather, I took it seriously and continue to honor it.
In a post in Psychology Today (2022), Jim Taylor offers suggestions on how to be a human “being.” He suggests: lightening up, reducing your to-do list, engaging in self-love, becoming more flexible, creating life balance, and accepting your humanity.
In my experience, these are things which seem to happen naturally during the last chapters of our lives, although he does not reference that in his post.
Personally, instead of always being on my computer, I often decide to sit in the yard, stare at the birds, and jot a few words in my journal without feeling guilty about doing so. It simply feels so good.
Aging Gracefully and Skillfully
As Mark Nepo says in his new book, The Fifth Season (2025), “aging requires a different set of skills.” He claims that “we experience a great depth and breadth to being alive,” as we grow older. Nepo is a spiritualist who has spent most of his life increasing his awareness. And now, also in his 70s, he realizes his limitations, especially after having surgery and being patient about the healing process. He believes that “in our souls and hearts, we are depending and expanding and getting brighter over a lifetime.”
Nepo writes about how it’s necessary to be engaged with our surroundings to feel the presence of humanity, by sitting in a café, for example.
Another aspect of aging skillfully, I believe, is the ability to “let go of what no longer serves us.” This means becoming less reactive to things that might have upset us in the past. In many ways, this makes life simpler and less stressful. We tend to also be more interested and sensitive to people’s intentions, motives, and desires—characteristics which could potentially pose a threat to social harmony, which seems to be more important to us in our senior years.
Aging and Creativity
I’ve found that writing and discussing the aging process has become easier and more natural as friends and family are also encountering similar feelings. Here’s a poem I wrote recently about aging.
Just Being
Is what brings me solace
during despairing moments.
It’s putting my feet up
on the cream-colored sofa
and my red-haired poodle
glued to my thigh, head resting
on my bony shinbone.
His presence slips me into deep calm
as my heart rate plummets
and eyes wander the mystic mountains
in the distance
brushed with snow.
One joy of aging
is not feeling bad about
this state of just being.
It’s okay after spending a life of doing,
doing and doing more, pleasing others,
with me on the back burner
but now, come to my senses
and wonder “what will make me happy again,”
and there you are.
Writing Prompt: I invite you to write a poem or a story to reflect on your own perspective on aging.
