Say you are interested in someone romantically—potentially even hot for that person.
Why Some People Say ‘Playing It Cool’ Means Playing Hard-To-Get
Table of Contents
- Why Some People Say ‘Playing It Cool’ Means Playing Hard-To-Get
- But Playing Hard-To-Get May Make Things Hard-To-Get
- Playing Hard-To-Get Could Attract The Wrong People
- ‘Playing It Cool’ Means Expressing Interest As An Equal
- ‘Playing It Cool’ Means You Have A Life
- ‘Playing It Cool’ Means Taking The Time To Figure Out If The Person Is Right For You
- ‘Playing It Cool’ Means Being Authentic
So, what exactly does playing it cool mean? Well, some may tell you that it means acting as if you’re not even interested in the person. This emerged from the belief that things become more desirable when they’re seemingly scarce and harder to get. Think limited edition bags like Hermès Birkin ones, rarer stones like emeralds, memberships to exclusive clubs, bluefin tuna, vintage clothing (meaning clothing that you used to throw away), and antimatter. It’s why celebrities and other popular folks seem that much more attractive, regardless of their true looks and personalities.
It’s also why things that are more readily available may be taken for granted and devalued. For example, you wouldn’t go gaga over an 80-roll pack of toilet paper from Costco, would you? Ok, maybe that’s not a great example after the pandemic. Nevertheless, comedian Groucho Marx did famously state, “I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.”
But Playing Hard-To-Get May Make Things Hard-To-Get
Harder-to-get doesn’t always translate to being more desirable, though. You’re probably not angling to get some very rare disease or suffer some rare event like being attacked by a flock of emus. Those unusual full body hedgehog outfits aren’t exactly flying off the shelves either. And chances are Bella Hadid and BTS aren’t wondering why you aren’t calling them.
In fact, showing no interest in a person could make him or her go fugget about it. That’s because that person may not be thinking, “Gee, I really want dating to be harder work,” and instead may opt for more available options. Plus, a big goal of dating is finding the right match for each other, including the right match in terms of interest level, rather than, “And one of them lived happily ever after, while the other one kind of meh.”
Playing Hard-To-Get Could Attract The Wrong People
Moreover, doing the whole “I’m too cool to show any interest” thing to everyone could turn you into fly paper for the wrong people. We’re talking the I-like-a–challenge or I-lack-esteem crowd. Once these folks have got you hooked, they could go the way of a loan from the bank and lose interest. This could perpetuate a dating cycle where you are constantly with people who choose you rather whom you choose.
‘Playing It Cool’ Means Expressing Interest As An Equal
Therefore, what’s going to be cooler for you in the long run is clearly expressing your interest to anyone who actually piques your interest. But being cool in expressing interest means not going “look at me, look at me, please take me, please take me” in an applying-for-college-or-a-job type of way. It doesn’t mean “you’re a statue on a pedestal, let me climb you” type of way either. Instead, playing it cool is about staying on equal footing as in “I have interest in you and if you are interested in me, shall we see where this goes?” If the person rejects you, then cool, that’s the person’s choice. Don’t push any further because why would you want someone who doesn’t want you? Respect the person’s choice and no need to go any further unless he or she changes the response.
‘Playing It Cool’ Means You Have A Life
When it comes to the let’s-spend-some-time-together phase, you may have heard that “playing it cool” means not making yourself way too available for the other person. This doesn’t mean turning yourself into a Taylor Swift concert ticket and saying, “Hmm, the rest of my 2025 looks booked. How’s your March 17th between 7:30 am and 745am looking?” Rather, give the other person enough opportunities to make it happen.
At the same time, it might not look too cool to bend over backwards and offer “any time that either the sun or the moon is in the sky.” Playing it cool means respecting your own schedule, work, hobbies, family, and friends, not suddenly making this new person whom you hardly know your biggest priority, and keeping on keeping on with the rest of your life while checking how this person can fit in with what you already have and not vice-versa.
‘Playing It Cool’ Means Taking The Time To Figure Out If The Person Is Right For You
Another aspect of playing it cool is how you approach the dates and your views of the person. Thinking “I’ve just met the love of my life and I can’t blow this” is not playing it cool. Remind yourself that dating is a two-way street where you’re trying to determine whether there is a mutual fit. Your jury should be still out on the other person until you’ve spent enough time together. Unattractive things will undoubtedly emerge. She will fart. He will burp. You’ll have to see how much of the farting and burping you can take and whether the good continues to outweigh the bad.
‘Playing It Cool’ Means Being Authentic
Finally, to really play it cool, you’ve got to be genuinely cool about yourself and being yourself. Trying to be someone you are not is definitely not going to be cool. Others may give you silly rules to follow like waiting at least a couple days to call or never telling the person that you like him or her. But don’t follow such rules unless they happen to be natural. Instead, follow your gut and do who you are. This way you both can see the true you and whether there is a real fit. If not, cool. If so, even cooler.
