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“I should listen more!”
“Love is blind”-Daniel, 43, admonishes himself as he sits in a capsule and goes on a blind date. He begins to suspect that he has stepped on the piano after confusing a number of women on the other side of the wall. And this in a reality show that actually involves communicating to find love – without seeing your future partner. For a second, it also looks like Daniel, who works as a salesman, understands that there can be a point in not only pitching wineries, but also listening.
But is he listening to himself? Answer: no.
However, he is not alone. In the 2026 edition of the Netflix hit “Love is blind Sweden“, there are plenty of male participants who periodically turn a deaf ear. The considerably less strategic Ludwig, 31, zooms out immediately when one of the blind dates talks about the “importance of respect” in a relationship. He mumbles a dazed “Huh?” when she asks for his take on the matter – he clearly hasn’t been listening.
35-year-old Lars-Erik’s blatant lack of listening – and questioning – turns out to have far more troublesome consequences. After coming out into reality together with his fiancée Ronja, he makes a fatal mistake. On day one, he showers her with words that make the previous participant “My heart’s joy and eternal longing”-Christofer appear reserved: “I love you, you are amazing, you are wonderful, I have asked God for a beautiful woman and I got it . . .”
Then he would also have been able to foresee that his tenderness ratings would have the opposite effect
If Lars-Erik had taken a little more interest in his future wife’s background, he would have been able to pick up on the fact that she had just gotten through a destructive relationship that started with lovebombing – something that the female participants who not was going to marry Ronja of course knew. Then he would also have been able to foresee that his tenderness ratings would have the opposite effect.
That it is precisely these participants encountering problems already on the honeymoon trip is not surprising. Daniel, Ludwig and Lars-Erik quickly become dissatisfied because they feel that they are not getting enough responses from their betrothed. They want to cuddle and snuggle and be kissed, while the women just move further and further away from them. The three musketeers choose the same type of problem solving and start “ordering” things. More attention, more physical confirmation – as if the girls were automatons at Max and it was about choosing toppings on the hamburger. Extra everything – and it must go quickly!
This is most evident in the faltering romance between Daniel and Johanna. The less Daniel listens and asks, the cooler she becomes.
Åsa Beckman suggested that women should go on a question strike: If he doesn’t listen or ask questions back – stop asking!
Exactly ten years ago, my colleague Åsa Beckman wrote a column about men who don’t ask women questions – a phenomenon she said was surprisingly common. That is, women who ask polite questions and men who talk about themselves without listening. She saw it above all in relationships where for some reason it fell to the woman’s lot to be the presenter with the man as the exciting star in the center. An unsexy and sad power imbalance where women are ultimately made invisible.
The column received a great response and created debate. Beckman suggested that women go on a question strike: If he doesn’t listen or ask questions back—stop asking!
When I now see third season of the Swedish “Love is blind”, I realize that it is time to remind a new generation of men about the world’s best dating tip: Start asking! Listen to what she tells about and ask curious questions. Follow up the answer with more questions. You can never guess what happens next. . . The way to a woman’s heart is through follow-up questions.
And no, “Love is blind”-Daniel, to ask Chat GPT “how to become more emotional?” will never get you as far.
Read more chronicles and other texts by Catia Hultquist
