First dates are for first impressions. Although plenty of first daters opt for sporting events, concerts, or old-school movie theatres, if the goal is getting to know one another, loud, crowded venues do not afford the conversation opportunities you will have over coffee or a meal. Yet when you choose to break bread together, choice of venue predicts value. And because you want to both see and hear each other, a pre-date venue visit allows you to investigate everything from menu to mood, price to privacy, climate to crowd control. Here are some ideas.
Comfort Breeds Compatibility
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Physical comfort creates chemistry through a sense of well-being and enjoyment. Coffee bars often offer couches or chairs with overstuffed pillows and decorative cups and saucers, lending character to your cappuccino. Although most restaurants offer less plush seating opportunities due to anticipated volume of patrons, you can still strategize seating. Avoid chilly patio tables where cold wind creates discomfort, or sitting too close to the kitchen, where your date may be infused with the wrong type of heat.
Let There Be Light
Meeting for breakfast or lunch, assuming you select a restaurant with plenty of windows or outdoor seating, allows you to see your partner in a bright setting with natural light, which has been shown to reduce stress and boost mood.[i] On the other end of the spectrum, although older daters joke they look their best in low light, dim mood lighting such as candlelight on a first date can generate discomfort through a sense of forced intimacy and inappropriate expectations.
Facial Mimicry
Tête-à-tête facilitates facial mimicry: spark romance with a smile. There are numerous studies proving the attractiveness of smiling, as if we needed empirical proof. One of the most interesting themes involves emotional contagion creating mimicry of the positive emotional expressions of others, leading researchers to suggest this might explain the contagion of positive emotions between strangers.[ii]
The Eyes Have It
Facing your partner instead of sitting side by side allows you to bond through the most appropriate type of contact on a first date: eye contact. Researchers in a 2024 speed dating study[iii] found that after a five-minute conversation, participants were more likely to choose dating partners with whom they shared more eye-contact. Regarding perceived attractiveness, they found that receiving but not giving eye-contact also predicted choice of a partner.
Hearing Is Believing
One of the drawbacks to having a first date at a ballgame or concert is not being able to hear your date. To avoid sacrificing context for conversation, avoid the crowds.
Thankfully, there are plenty of opportunities to create a great first date that will lead to a second. Plan wisely.
