Father-Friend Conflict & Aging: Study Findings

A new University of Virginia study has found aggression in young people predicts accelerated biological aging later in life.

Specifically, 13-year-olds who are hostile with their friends and struggle with relationships, and in particular with their fathers, look older when they are 30.

Psychology professor Joseph Allen led the study, which repeatedly assessed 123 people, along with their close friends and parents, for 17 years, beginning in 1998. They also looked at a measure that tracks levels of cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, white blood cellsinflammation and protein. “It’s a very good predictor of how long you’re going to live and how healthy you’re going to be,” Allen explained.

“We find that between adolescence and adulthood, a couple of things correlate to this,” he said. “One is an ongoing conflict with fathers in late adolescence. And also, ongoing levels of hostile—or what we call—punitive behavior toward close friends across the 20s.”

The director of UVA’s Adolescence Research Lab said the findings expand on a long history of research in adults linking future heart problems to hostile relationships earlier in life.

“What’s unique about this study is that it’s saying (a person’s) actual behavior toward other people, as reported by your friends, is predicting not just heart problems, but a broad range of markers that (show) physiologically, you’re deteriorating faster than you should,” Allen said.

The study included 46 males and 75 females, and the results apply to both groups equally.

What is the connection with fathers?

Allen says, “We don’t know for sure. But the literature and the theories suggest relationships with mothers, to some extent, set up a template for how you will interact in your intimate relationships and romantic relationships.”

Allen said relationships with fathers are slightly more skewed toward predicting how a son or daughter fares in the larger world. “Again, this is a sample from 1998, so it’s partly based on the times,” he cautioned.

“It’s also possible that conflict with fathers is more intense, is higher stakes,” Allen said. “Conflict with mothers in most families could lead to yelling. It could, at worst, lead to slapping, but conflict with fathers has much more potential to lead to more physically serious consequences.”

And even if that doesn’t usually happen, Allen said a father who is yelling is “louder and more intimidating than a mother, and so it could be that the conflict with fathers just feels more intense to the adolescent.”

Parents and guardians know their adolescents often treat their friendships like a matter of life and death. “These data suggest that instead of saying ‘That’s silly,’ that in some sense the teenagers are right, that the patterns they’re establishing are going to be quite important down the road,” Allen said.

If your teen is struggling more than others and getting into hostile relationships, the psychology professor says “that should be treated as an important red flag.”

“It’s a warning signnot just for their mental healthnot just how they’re getting along, but for their long-term development,” Allen said.

The study’s findings will be published later this month in the Journal of Health Psychology.