Daphne Deckers: ‘For twenty years my life was all about the children and then, poof, they are gone’
In the interview, Daphne is candid about how difficult she found it when her children flew away. “The first months were especially difficult. Apart from the physical emptiness, there was especially an emotional emptiness. For twenty years my life was all about the children and then, poof, they are gone. It felt like I had to turn around an unwieldy oil tanker. It really takes a while before you get into a new rhythm of life again.”
They were also very far away.
“Exactly. My son went to a tennis academy in Florida for a few weeks and then was going to play international tournaments. My daughter went to Los Angeles for acting training. Not just around the corner, so. And they left on the same day. Richard went with Emma, so when I came back from Schiphol, I was all alone. Then suddenly I heard the kitchen clock ticking; I had never noticed that sound before because the house was always so full. I sat in their empty rooms and saw a whole life ahead of me. pass by: that is where the cradle once stood, that is where the first bed.
Our dog was squeaking and completely upset. I thought: oh, he’s having a hard time with it too. But then I saw that his fur was matted! He just couldn’t poop, haha. Symbolically, actually: life goes on as usual. I could sit and mourn, but I have to wash my dog’s ass first.”
What did you find so difficult about their departure?
“No more eating together or watching a movie. I missed the ‘Hey, Mom!’ when they got home. The commotion in the house. There was suddenly a deafening silence. All those years I had shouted upstairs: ‘Can the music be turned down a bit?’ But suddenly it was quiet. I also always shouted: ‘Turn off the light behind your butt!’ And now it was dark. You know what also played a role? That somehow I had the feeling: they are going to experience all new adventures, and I am standing here on the threshold of an empty house. In my book The power of growing older I wrote that you can get the feeling that ‘your firsts’ are running out a bit. Your children will still experience them all. Of course you grant them that, but it is also confrontational.”
‘For twenty years my life was all about the children and then, poof, they’re gone’