I understand that self talk isn’t the whole game in trauma recovery. “Just talk to yourself more nicely” is not a recovery strategy.
But: how we talk to ourselves matters.
How we were talked to growing up, really matters.
How we are talked to now, especially by those closest to us, matters.
Think about the last time you were talked to condescendingly by someone you care about, ad tell me it doesn’t.
The words that bounce around in our head, all day, every day, matter.
Not even the words themselves, so much— but the pattern matters.
If I’m right, and the core of trauma recovery is repairing and nurturing our relationship with ourselves, the patterns of how we talk to ourselves day in and day out matter at least as much as the patterns of our communication with anyone else.
So don’t imagine, when I refer to the trauma recovery tool of self talk, I’m going down the road of superficial toxic positivity bullsh*t.
You are with yourself 24/7. You don’t think it’ll impact your mood and motivation and focus if you’re talking to yourself like an asshole all day?
There’s a huge difference between “what should I do right now” and “what do I need right now?”
Trauma survivors have experienced enough pressure and shame to last a lifetime.
Self talk may not be the whole ballgame in trauma recovery, but it’s a piece of the puzzle we can’t realistically ignore and expect recovery to be sustainable.
