You cheated. And now you have an STD. Panic, guilt and shame strike, but this is the time to act maturely.
You made a mistake. A whole one. Big one. Wrong. And now you’re stuck with an STD, and probably with… a mountain of stress. Of course, it’s tempting to pretend it didn’t happen, to push it away, hoping it will “go away on its own.” But we can tell you: it doesn’t.
What should you do?
Table of Contents
This is not the time to look away and apply the ostrich technique, but to to take responsibility. As a man. As an adult.
1. Arrange medical attention. Now.
Stop Googling and call your doctor or an STD clinic. Get tested and ask explicitly which STD you have contracted. The difference between a bacterial infection (such as chlamydia or gonorrhea) and a viral infection (such as herpes or HIV) is enormous.
Some STDs are with a antibiotic treatment to heal; others you stay lifelong wear, but can easily be treated with medication. Be honest with the doctor about what happened. You’re not the first, and certainly not the last.
2. Warn your sex partners. Yes, her too.
This is the hardest part, but also the most important: you have to be honest with your partner and to the person you cheated on. They have to themselves have it tested and treated. And if you already had sex with your regular partner after cheating, then you really have to tell them. No half-truths, no excuses.
Concealing an STD is not only cowardly, but it is… disrespectful. You deprive the other person of the right to choose what she wants to do with her body and health.
3. Tell the truth. Absolutely.
Telling people that you have cheated and that you have an STD is a hard blow. So don’t expect understanding from your girlfriend. She now has every right to be angry, sad and even hysterical. And you? You have to listen. Don’t defend, don’t look away. Just listen.
You won’t solve it in one conversation, but you can show that you take responsibility. That is step one towards adult behavior.
4. Be a man.
No “I was drunk,” no “we were going through a bad period.” You chose it. Point. Recognize that is the only way to maintain respect. From her, from yourself, from everyone.
A real man is looking for no excuses, but solutions. So say you’re sorry, that you understand she needs distance, and give her space to process the whole shitty story.
5. Stop cheating.
Serious. If you’re not happy in your relationship, you either work on it or get out. So think of it as one learning moment and look at yourself in the mirror. Why did you cheat? Was it ego, boredom, fear of commitment, seeking confirmation?
Whatever is behind it: do something with it. Talk to a therapist, or someone you trust. And if monogamy isn’t for you, be honest about it. Open relationships exist. What doesn’t exist is respect without honesty.
Bottom line
You made a mistake. There’s a good chance you hurt someone (including yourself). But growing up means taking responsibility, not ducking away.
Do what you have to: get tested, tell the truth, learn from it. And remember: honesty is not weak. It’s the only way I’ll ever look straight into the mirror again.
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