Singapore’s Angbao Dilemma: Generosity Under Scrutiny During Chinese New Year

SINGAPORE — A Singaporean man turned to social media to express his frustrations with his father, who repeatedly asks for money—especially during Chinese New Year (CNY)—to maintain his image as a generous elder among relatives.

The Father’s Plight and the Daughters’ Struggle

Posting on the r/askSingapore forum, the man details how his father, in his early 60s, insists on appearing moneyed despite having no savings. The father earns a modest income from a part-time job and receives an allowance from his daughter, but he struggles to manage his finances.

“He wants to be this generous uncle who gives out angbaos to relatives, even though he can barely take care of himself,” the man wrote. “Every CNY, he asks for S$1k, saying he’ll pay it back, but we know he won’t.”

Social Media Responses: Empathy and Advice

Responding to the post, the online community offered a mix of empathy and practical advice. Some Redditors reminded him to consider the contributions his father made throughout his upbringing and to show more understanding.

One commenter suggested considering the father’s history of support, stating, “If he and your mom have brought you up successfully and taught you important values, it’s not very fair to say he is useless.” Another pointed out the difficulty in quitting smoking, advising, “Maybe he needs some help in that area first to have some additional pocket money.”

Stricter Boundaries: A Tough End?

Other Redditors expressed sympathy but acknowledged the man’s frustration, suggesting stricter boundaries. One person asked if he could cut off contact with his father permanently, suggesting, “Don’t let him even know your address or phone number.” Another advised an ultimatum, recommending, “Tell them it’s the last time I raise this. I’m not your retirement option. Repeat twice, then go cold without talking to them for 5 years, including no CNY contacts.”

A Similar Case: The Reduced Angbao

The discussion on r/askSingapore expanded beyond the initial story to include another case. A 25-year-old woman shared her dilemma of refusing to visit her boyfriend’s family for CNY due to an unsatisfactory angbao the previous year.

She explained her efforts to show appreciation by regularly sending gifts and thoughtful presents, but this year’s CNY angbao fell far short of her expectations. The woman questioned whether her refusal to attend was justified, sparking further debate on the balance between familial responsibility and personal boundaries.

Conclusion: Finding the Balance

The CNY angbao tradition highlights the delicate balance between cultural expectations and personal financial health. While maintaining family ties is important, younger generations must also ensure their own financial security. The discussions on r/askSingapore remind us of the complexities involved in balancing tradition with practicality.

For those navigating similar situations, the key may lie in open communication and setting clear, respectful boundaries. It’s crucial to acknowledge and appreciate the support provided in the past while also asserting one’s own needs and limits in the present.

Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)