Home news "The role of parents is rather to explain porn to their children"

"The role of parents is rather to explain porn to their children"

Children are getting more and more young to pornographic content online, hence the need for parents to explain that porn is not a reflection of reality. – Caro / Sorge / SIPA

  • From Wednesday night, the Channel 4 television channel will broadcast the program "Mums make porn".
  • This reality program will follow five mothers horrified by the content of hard-core porn videos freely available online and that can view their teenage children. To counter this content, they will produce themselves an educational porn film, which will be shown to their children.
  • For Anne de Labouret, co-author of the book "Talk about porn before the Internet does it" (Edited by Thierry Souccar), to be published in May, "the role of parents is not to show porn – even ethical – to their children, but to explain to them the consequences that exposure to this kind of content may have.

Even if you can not stop her children from getting porn videos, why not make this adult content yourself in front of their eyes? Here is the principle of
Mums make porn », a television program broadcast on Channel 4 this Wednesday. This reality show will follow five mothers, horrified by freely accessible hard-core porn videos and free on
Internet. Videos often raw, sometimes violent, orchestrating sexist shots or scenes inspired by rapes. "If it was the first time I saw anything related to sex, I would be petrified," says one of the mothers.

Children "must understand that porn is not the reality," adds another. For one of the group's moms, who also participates in the program, "we have to show the kids that there is something else besides this horrible shit we see on the Internet," she says. If my son was treating a woman like that, I would kick him. "

Yet, teens are facing this kind of images earlier and earlier: 11% of 18-30 year olds have ever watched a pornographic video before the age of 11, and 62% before their 15s, according to a recent OpinionWay survey for 20 minutes. To prevent their teens from building their
sexuality on clichés carried by mainstream pornography, these five British moms have decided to go behind the camera and will produce themselves a porn movie. "Their mission is to create a film that not only works like pornography, but promotes healthy attitudes toward sexuality and relationships for the next generation,"
explains Channel 4. For Anne de Labouret, co-author of Talk to your kids about porn before the Internet does it * (Edited by Thierry Souccar), a book that warns of the devastating effects of pornography on young people and offers solutions to unarmed parents, "porn should not be a taboo subject, it must be explained to his children to to protect them, because they will necessarily be exposed to them ".

What do you think of the initiative of these British mothers? Is it a good solution to show an "acceptable" porn to his children?

First, I understand that these mothers have been horrified by the videos that their children can watch without them knowing. The pornographic content available on the porn tube is appalling in that it conveys sexist clichés, promotes violence and is not representative of sexuality in real life. In addition to the performance requirement that these videos induce, they infuse the idea that consent to the sexual act is incidental, that a woman who says "no" can actually mean "yes." So many clichés that really do not value the human being and that can be devastating for teenagers in the construction of their sexuality. This is all the more shocking for these mothers that these extremely raw videos are freely accessible to children in one second on a smartphone or any screen.

However, I'm not sure that producing a porn movie and showing it to his children is the right solution. First, because feminist and ethical porn, which respects and enhances women, and which portrays a sexuality close to reality, as Ovidie does,
Erika Lust or
Anoushka, it already exists. Then, advising a porn movie to his children is a very strange thing: there, we go out of his role of parent to enter the private domain of his children. And that does not change the fact that the rest of the porn that we find online will remain accessible to them.

On average, children are exposed to porn for the first time at the age of 11, or much earlier. Are parents aware of it?

Parents are often convinced that their young children have never been exposed to pornographic images. But even taking all precautions, using technical solutions, parental control systems to preserve these contents, we can not control everything, put his children in a bubble. Being super-vigilant will not stop your child's classmate from taking his smartphone to school and watching multiple-group porn videos. This happens frequently in primary school classes.

As well as ultra-violent content visible online, such as beheadings of Daesh or recently the video of the attack on Christchurch, children are not "armed" to see this type of content. Parents should prepare them for what they are likely to see and give them the correct reading guide. Because today, we are far from the erotic films of yesteryear, and everything
the problem of hardcore porn that floods porn tube today is that it is accessible to children from an early age, who view without filter or controls. Violent and sexist videos can have a traumatic and devastating effect on children, who do not even know what sexuality is.

So, knowing that we can not prevent his children from watching porn, what should we do, what should we tell them? And what is the best time to talk to them about porn?

First, we take basic precautions by installing on its screens parental control software, not leaving his child alone with a screen.

Then, we must break the silence, the taboo around porn. Obviously, this is not an easy topic to discuss, but there is never a perfect time to do it, parents have to talk to their children, they have to demystify porn. Have you seen what online videos look like? There are scenes of rape, gang bang and so on. You can not leave your children alone with these images. Already that society does not know how to protect children from these contents that should not be accessible to them, we must our children to explain to them what it is, to make them understand that this is not the reality. We must give them a counter-speech against these porn images, talk to his children from an early age, otherwise regret not having done so sooner.

Obviously, we do not talk about things too raw. We start by warning his children, when they are old enough to use screens, that they do their first research on the internet, that they could come across inappropriate images for them, violent, disturbing, with people all naked, and if they fall on such images, let them come and tell us about it. If this is the case, you have to explain to them that it's cinema, with actors, stunts, that it does not reflect the reality and that love and sexual relationships in real life do not look like that.

The message of prevention issued by parents evolves according to the age of their children. What should they say to them when they are in their teens, at the beginning of their sex life?

Porn has become the first educator of young people to sexuality. But it steals their imagination and distorts the image that teens – boys and girls – make love, sex and sex. On forums, teenage girls tell their first time, and confide that their boyfriend ejaculated them in their hair or tried to strangle them, because that's the kind of scenes they see in porn online. Or ask if for the first time, "it must be done through the three holes", it's terrible!

Parents should explain to their teens that any form of violence has absolutely no place in sexuality, that no, do not "do everything" at its first time and no, a girl of 12/13 years must not be fully depilated.

The concept of consent to the sexual act must also be properly explained: saying "no" does not mean "yes", and saying "yes" does not mean "yes" for everything. The concept of self-respect and the other must be taught. Finally, faced with the explosion of
social networks, it is important to remind your children
teens who start their sex life that should never be filmed during the sexual act. There are precedents of videos of girls circulating in their school, and it can be really devastating.

* Talk to your kids about porn before the Internet does it, by Anne de Labouret and Christophe Butstraen, Editions Thierry Souccar, in bookstores on May 8, 2019, 192 pages, € 12.90.

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