Gwyneth Paltrow makes everyone cry on Netflix’s ‘The Goop Lab’

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Gwyneth Paltrow is shedding blood, sweat and tears in his last act.

The patron saint of rich women tries everything from facial treatments of “vampire” blood to heartbreaking cleanings, as well as some good old-fashioned push-ups, in the upcoming Netflix series “The Goop Lab”, which premieres on January 24. In your jade egg For GP, there are never enough questionable wellness practices to surprise us, now on a platform that costs much less than its $ 4,500 health summits.

Each of the six 30-minute episodes begins with a disclaimer: “The following series is designed to entertain and inform, not to provide medical advice. You should always consult your doctor when it comes to your personal health or before beginning any treatment. “

Intelligently, Paltrow, whose chronological age is 47 but whose biological age is 42.5, listens a lot, leaving the experience to the doctors, researchers and specialists he invites in the program. But she and her colleagues do everything possible to take these alternative treatments seriously, testing them themselves, speaking with experts in the field and highlighting case studies that have been “cured” by the treatments announced in each infomercial episode. and not to mention any of the inconveniences of the treatments involved.

Buckle up for a lot of screaming, boiler suits in pastel colors and dubious health claims. Spoiler alert: Here are our conclusions for the program’s Goopiest.

The secret of female pleasure is a “genital show and tell”

A scene from “The Goop Lab”, Episode 3, “Pleasure is ours.”Netflix

At the end of the episode about female orgasms, GP is a virtuoso of the regular vulva. Bring the 90-year-old sex trainer Betty Dodson, whose most important advice for women looking for an orgasm is to undress with a group of friends and take a look. She calls it “show and count genitals.”

Paltrow is intrigued, but most of the episode focuses on the trip of one of his employees who visits Dodson’s offices in New York.

Dodson convinces Paltrow that it would be “revolutionary” to show normal vulvas (Paltrow is scolded by Dodson from the beginning for calling them vaginas) on the show and filming what a non-porny female orgasm really looks like.

The Goop remains.

We should all stumble in co fungi with our coworkers

The first episode discusses the use of psychedelics for therapy, an animated topic that, without a doubt, deserves a bit of speech. When Goop employees head to Jamaica for a fungus experience, things go as expected: uncontrolled laughter, uncontrolled sobs, someone who needs to be hugged like a baby, etc. When they return to each other and go out to the beach, they decide that all colleagues should really have the opportunity to spin between them. That water cooler won’t know what hit it, right?

Back in the office, an extensive complex in Santa Monica, California, full of healthy snacks and cotton candy tones, Paltrow questions his assistant Kevin about his experience in Jamaica with three other co-workers. Is nothing sacred? Leave the poor man, Gwyneth alone.

You don’t need to starve to age back

Gwyneth has a vampire facial.
Gwyneth has a vampire facial.Netflix

GP tests the “fast imitation diet” of Valter Longo, a meal plan for which one pays $ 300 for feeling that they are starving. His goal is to reverse his “biological age,” a term that his guest scientist, a Yale pathologist, uses to describe the health of cells, rather than their chronological age. The expert, Morgan Levine, says it is a better indication of his overall well-being and life expectancy.

At the end of the five-day cleanup, Paltrow looks and feels like death. “I feel like I could fall,” he tells the camera. The good news for her is that blood tests reveal that her biological age is 1.25 years younger than before trying the diet: the “vampire” facial she received in this episode helped her look good. But the bad news for her is that she probably didn’t need to starve to go back in time: her accomplice Elise tries a simple pescatarian diet and ends, biologically, a year younger than before starting her diet. So, unless you care about three additional months of youth life, there really is no reason to join Goop in an expensive and tortuous cleanup.

Gwyneth maybe not healthy

In that same episode about diets, Paltrow reveals: “Basically, I’ve been running without sleep, coffee and alcohol for two years. I think my adrenal glands are going to explode.” He asks a question, is Gwyneth okay? However, in an episode focused on the breathing techniques of Wim “The Iceman” Hof, it is revealed that he can do almost 20 push-ups in a row, while fasting, naturally.It is not clear how he has been able to function so well for so long.

Someone call this woman ambulance

In an episode about energy healing, Paltrow brings his “healer” to the office, John Amaral, who claims to change the frequency of body vibrations to cure physical and emotional ailments. Nothing too surprising here. But, when the staff meets for a session with Amaral, a woman comes to him complaining about “chest pain and oppression.” OMG. He lies on the table “without much movement,” as others observe, and “falls into a deep state of meditation,” she says. Later that night, throw up for three hours straight. Listen, I’m not a doctor, but neither is Amaral.

Well-being makes you cry

In each episode, with each treatment, the Goopies cry inexplicably. Jump into cold water? Tears. Keep a deep and erotic look in a coworker’s eye for five solid minutes? Tears! Are you going crazy with psychedelics? Sobs Having an energy healer waving his hand on your back? Big weeping tears. At the end of the series, Goop staff supposedly had never been healthier. But perhaps they have never been sadder.

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