How can I request Prince Harry’s old job as Duke of Sussex?

Maybe you can help me with this.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (known by his friends and the world as Harry and Meghan) decided last week to step back as “older” members of the British royal family and become financially independent.

Good for them! I wish you the best.

And if you ever need help with any of the problems that come with ordinary and non-real life that you seek to lead, you can certainly write to my Dear John column and I will try to help you. In fact, I will put your problem on top of my stack.

But that is not what I really want to talk about.

Does anyone know how I can apply for Harry’s old job? I’ve searched on and the royal family still doesn’t seem to have included that position. I would like to get my resume before the job is officially published.

I know, I’m not British. But I’ve been drinking tea all my life. And I like a gin stain from time to time, as it is said that Queen Elizabeth likes.

I am really good with people. I can talk to people loaded about anything with the best of them. Heck, I’ve been writing about stuff congested for over 45 years.

I am good saluting. And although I haven’t cut a tape yet, I’m pretty sure I can handle it with some practice.

I also know all the most important social issues of the day and I can adjust my current positions to suit whatever the royal family wants them to be.

I can even ride a horse. However, you may have to take out some of those old uniforms that Harry wore because I’m a little thin these days. I can work on the issue of weight, but not on age. Yes, I’m quite older than Harry.

I can’t bring a “Meghan” for the duchess’s job, but give me a budget and I will hire someone who is equally good to greet.

Most importantly, I don’t mind financially depending on the royal family and the British people. In fact, I think I would enjoy it.

There is only one thing: I need to know how much Harry’s old position pays. And I hope the royal family pays my relocation costs.

I hope the Queen will call me so we can discuss this.


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