It is not just a photo of a woman with bees on her belly.
About a year ago, I suffered an extremely traumatic miscarriage. I was hospitalized, heartbroken, full of self-blame and distraught. As we walked away from the Yampa Valley medical center, after losing our baby, I remember tearing up when I realized that my baby was left alone inside these brick walls; finally be shipped and examined.
I fell into deep depression for months after the unexpected surgery. I had problems with my mental health, how to interact with my friends and family and how to continue my responsibilities as a mother and wife.
A few months later, we became pregnant again. Instead of embracing our new miracle, I remember feeling confused and worried. Over time, well into the second trimester, I knew I couldn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy for fear of repeated miscarriage. How to explain the loss again?
Then our country succumbed to the pandemic. The following months made me vomit, sleep all day and all night, be unable to help around the house, and feel bad and defeated. There were no visitors, no lunch date, no meetings, and because I had chosen not to tell anyone about the pregnancy, no one was recording. Despite all this, our family has grown stronger and, with hindsight, I realize that quarantine has allowed me to grow my baby in a stress-free environment with a phenomenal education from my husband. There was a massive silver lining to this presumably dark cloud. As a family, we have learned to love and support each other more than I ever could have imagined.
I am happy to say that I am 37 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby who will be joining us in a few weeks. I am blessed beyond the words I have said so far, through all the trials and tribulations, of the past 12 months. I came out of these events like a butterfly from a cocoon; strong, beautiful and ready to conquer the world. So you see, it’s not just a photo of a woman with bees on her belly. This photo represents much, much more. My only hope is that one day my children will look at this photo and see the warrior in me.